The New I Do Book

“If you think a 50 percent divorce rate is an acceptable statistic, then I suppose you don’t have to read this book. For everyone else, this book will give you permission to think outside the box.”

— Pepper Schwartz, AARP’s sex and relationship expert and the author of The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples

 


If half of all cars bought in America each year broke down, there would be a national uproar. But when people suggest that maybe every single marriage doesn’t look like the next and isn’t meant to last until death, there’s nothing but a rash of proposed laws trying to force it to do just that.  New-I-Do-3251 In The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (Seal Press, Sept. 28, 2014), therapist Susan Pease Gadoua and journalist Vicki Larson take a groundbreaking look at the modern shape of marriage to help readers open their minds to marrying more consciously and creatively. Offering actual models of less-traditional marriages, including everything from a parenting marriage (intended for the sake of raising and nurturing children) to a comfort or safety marriage (where people marry for financial security or companionship), the book covers unique options for couples interested in forging their own paths. With advice and quizzes to help readers decide what works for them, The New I Do acts as a guide to thinking outside the marital box and the framework for a new debate on marriage in the 21st century.

More praise:

“The solid, erudite style pleasantly eschews the usual hype found in
other works on the subject. … highly recommended.”
—   Library Journal Review

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“’The New I Do’ is a definite ‘gotta get’ book, providing you the tools to make your decision to marry a solid and successful one.”
— Dr. Charles Sophy, author of Side by Side

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“‘The New I Do’ offers a fresh perspective on one of the most complex decisions one can make in life: getting married. …
For those seriously contemplating marriage, this book can be a conversation starter as well as a sobering reminder of the real challenges couples face before and long after they say ‘I Do!’
— Rosalind Sedacca, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network

3 thoughts on “The New I Do Book

  1. Great comments and insight. The movement is real! Glad to have you on board and find another supporter in the quest to “fix” the failing institution of marriage. Please check out my website and previous articles in Huffpost as well. Would love to join forces in this endeavor.

  2. After reading a recent article in Vicki Larson’s “OMG Chronicle’s” (which concluded with a hype for this book), I was left exceptionally saddened.

    I cannot believe that Huffington Post (which does seem to be more and more “anti marriage” anymore) keeps hyping these tremendously negative relationship articles.

    Plus all the people – who should know better – who hype the myth of the 50% divorce rate. The truth is that the divorce rate was pretty stable (and low) until the mid 1960s when it began climbing. And reached its peak in the early 1980s (but even then NOT 50%) and then started gradually downward. And has continued downward at a slightly higher rate over the last 15 years (to where it is approaching the 1960 level). Some who try to just its “truth” count multiple divorces by the same people (and it is true that once you get divorced your odds of the next marriage ending in divorce – or relationship failing – skyrockets; and even more so with each subsequent one).

    It is like the myth about a NEED to drink 8 glasses of water a day for health. There’s no such thing. Some need more, some less, and it varies daily. But once someone claimed it somewhere, it became THE truth – and everyone repeats it!

    In any case, as I read these very negative relationship articles (they clearly don’t grasp compromise and the idea of a Team Aporoach versus a Me Approach) are in fact by people who have a history of failed relationships (marriage or otherwise) and are deep down very bitter people!

    And, my wife and I met and had a first date at 15 but then families went in different directions and ended up on opposite sides of the country. 18 months later we reconnected (just having turned 17), started dating again (immediately “going steady”), were engaged five months later and married the next year (just a few months after turning 18). That was over 45 years ago (and I was just a couple months into an enlistment in the Marines) and here we still are with 13 grandkids and going strong.

    Out of our two extended families (from us and our siblings down through adult grandchildren) there are 38 adults.

    Of the two of us and our combined 7 siblings there have been 2 divorces (out of 9).

    At the next level down (kids of us and our siblings), there are 20 adults. 3 have never been married and there have been 2 divorces (one having 2 divorces and 1 failed long term relationship and the other 1 divorce and 1 failed long term relationship – but just amongst those TWO people… out of 20, 17 that were married).

    Of the 9 adults at the next level down (grandkids of us and our siblings), 5 are not married (18-23, in school, engaged, etcetera.) and 4 married with no divorces.

    To be fair – as grandchildren level marriages are just a couple years old, let’s NOT count the grandkids. Of us and our siblings and our children (29 total with the 20 kids running from late 30s to mid 40s), there have been FOUR divorces. That is less than 1/7th, NOT 1/2.

    And of people that I know, that my wife knows, that is by far more the norm. My wife has two different (not overlapping) groups of friends that have weekly dinner get-togethers. Out of roughly 12-13 people (one passed away last year), only ONE has been divorced. Out of a grouping of 10 neighbors on each side of the street that are or have been married (one widowed), of those 20 couples, one has been divorced!

    The 50% stat might fit great with egotistical professionals and celebrity types, etcetera, but simply does not fit the regular middle class with traditional values (and yes, my wife worked PT and FT off and on before my retirement and currently works PT at her own decision).

    I see all of these highly negative, love thyself foremost, it is all “Me” and none “We” article authors as trying their hardest to achieve strongly negative attitudes about real relationships and thereby justifying their own bitterness and lack of commitment, responsibility, and maturity… and they should be ashamed of themselves!

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